Dear Nick Junior....

Dora the Explorer is giving my daughter unrealistic expectations of traveling with men. I have compiled a list of things that Dora is doing that are setting her up for failure. This is something I have thought about for a while. We are going on a short road trip soon and I thought that this is a valid time to express my concerns.

Pre planning:
Using landmarks your friend told you were on the way is frustrating to them (as is repeating the directions a bunch of times!)

Also, you can not ask for input from all of your friends....or ask them to come along just because they showed up at your house right before you were ready to leave.

Backpack:
Men don't like you taking that much luggage so you can't bring a backpack full of all the stuff you want or might need just in case.





If you do bring something that gets used, you can't say "Great, good thing I brought that extra large bottle of hydrogen peroxide." They will scoff at you and say "Yeah we needed the peroxide..but we are hiking in the mountains....why do you have three kinds of lip gloss, who are you planning to make out with, a bear?"


Map:
Don't even think of bringing your map because having it will just make them feel like you don't have confidence in their ability to navigate. I suggest laying it on the table near, but not next to their belongings so they think it is their idea to take it.
*On a side note, my husband likes having the map and requests it if it is not in the car. He is an excellent navigator and can read a map.*

Being passive aggressive by saying "map" over and over if you do get lost is just asking for a fight.

Don't be smug when you figure out where you need to go. 

On the way:
Do not suggest to help anyone you see on the way. Distractions throw them off the end goal, getting to the location before the time the GPS said you should be there.

Do not repeat the directions every time you go past a scheduled stop. "Yeah....lunch at Hardee's was great, next we go through the toll booth off of I-35, then across the big red bridge and we will get to the giant blue lake!"

Getting to your location:
Throwing confetti and running in circles is not acceptable. This implies you hated being with them and are excited to not have to listen to their rock music anymore.

It is also not okay to tell all your friends all the crazy things that happend on the the trip. Mostly because they probably don't care that there was a hairy homeless guy under the big red bridge yelling "Rojo bridge, you made it across the rojo bridge, Great Job!"